F**king Tw@t

That's what I called some dickhead tonight on the way home.

As I jumped into my car to drive the short distance home from the station, I was driving up the road towards the first junction. A car sat opposite the junction indicating to turn right and waiting for me to pass, I approached the junction when some numpty pulled straight out in front of me causing me to slam on the anchors and hurl abuse through a closed window at the shame faced TW@T.

The driver lowered his eyes and sheepishly continued to turn right in front of me apologising perfusely as he went.

The woman in the car opposite just looked at me and rolled her eyes.

In almost 20 years of driving I have never had an accident, (well one but I wont mention her name as she was the ex-wife) and some stupid pr!ck almost caused one today.

Oh well rant over and now I'm feeling tons better.

Erm NO

I had a Performance & Development (P&D) session with my manager today, and as you read through the P&D forms you are asked to make a self assessment of your own performance over the past six months.

So basically it's a little tick box down the right hand side that you tick and the DSM ticks as well.

It's best to be honest with your results, so I gave myself to x's in a certain box on the Encourages Staff by Leadership sectionof my P&D.

The reason for this is two statements.

1) Speaks positively about the organisation and own role within it. Erm can't say that I do.
2) Speaks positively about the customers and colleagues in all parts of the business. Erm that's a definate no no.

Well I can honestly say that I think I put an X in the right boxes here because if you are regular reader you will have often read how I have slagged off certain colleagues and the company in a roundabout way ie; I have never named a colleague who has pissed me off even though certain of my colleagues know who I am talking about or actually fully slagged off the company as I don't feel like being unemployed at this present time.

A Change Of Plans

As you may know I was thinking of moving to Southend on Sea, however after working out my funds I've realised I can't afford to move there as my outgoings would increase by over £400 a month and that's a bill I just can't afford.

I know my kids will be upset but at least I have a decent house over my head and will be able to do things whilst here.

Oh well there is always next year and now I can concentrate on my new relationship as well.

Another Weekend Over

The kids were up for the weekend and thank god I have three pc's and a PS3 as quiet reigned supreme, my girls got themselves into trouble though as they went out with a couple of old friends who were next door neighbours and were supposed to be home for dinner at 7pm.

One of my daughters text asking if they could stay out an extra hour so I agreed and told them I would have dinner ready, by 7:45 I had another text saying that they would like to stay out longer and that they had already eaten dinner.

To say that I was unhappy was an understatement, but as I had pizza in the fridge I agreed so me and my son tucked into that.

By 9:30 my girls arrived home and as I was still a bit pissed off I upset them by sending them both to bed. Oh dear two upset girlies.

On a better note my date went really well and I'm now off the single scene again, bloody hell I wish I could make my mind up.

Back to work tomorrow oh what fun.

As Another Week Ends

Well tomorrow will be my last shift after doing eight days on the bounce, and I have two bits of good news on the weekend front.

I may have a new relationship just starting to blossom, and no it's not my friend from the platform last week but someone else.

Tomorrow night we are going to meet up for a bit of dinner and a chat, hopefully things work out as she seems a very nice woman, younger then me but still very nice, and the best bit is she actually lives in the same town as me and not 10 minutes away.

The second bit of good news is, as the weekend looms I will have the distinct pleasure of having all three of my kids for weekend, the first time since early November, I was supposed to have them in December but because I was ill I was advised not to, so they are all excited about seeing me.

So that's 12 weeks since they were last at my place.

The Man Behind The Smile

Have you ever had one of those days when you think about your past and how much has happened in it.

Well today was one of those days.

I just started thinking about my life and how many people in it truly know me, and how many don't.

The answer: one possibly two. The one being my colleague next door who has been with me through thick and thin?
He knows the truly in-depth man behind the smile; he knows my sordid and sometimes lurid past, even to the stage that it has disgusted him.

I wont go into details (it could possibly match Girl with a One Track Mind) as my family and people who know me read this blog.

Now to the main reason for this post. My Past.

I'm not going to go to in-depth into my past as those details would shock my family and friends.
To put it plainly my past has been full of relationships and when I'm single I play the field, however when I become involved in a proper relationship with a partner I become totally loyal and committed.

It's strange to think how I operate emotionally; sometimes I think am I in a relationship just for the loving side of it or am I in it just for the company.

The one thing about my past relationships is I am open about them (probably a bad thing really) not to boast or brag, but I believe in telling the truth about my past from the start of a relationship as then nothing is hidden and wont come back and bite you in the arse when you least expect it.

I think this is one of the reasons my two longest relationships since my ex wife went sour, my partners couldn't get round the fact that my past is my past and stays there, my future would have been with them.
I never strayed when i was in a relationship, from a few weeks to long term, once I'm in a relationship I'm there for keeps, I might have played the field when I was single but once in a relationship that's puts and end to the wild days.

The women in my life have just never understood what kind of man I am, the true man behind the smile.

My ex-wife went through hell with post natal depression, I could have had an affair with a passenger who was more then willing to play ball, you have to understand that for two years of my life I didn't know who my wife was, I would come home from work to a different woman everyday and only see the woman I fell in love with and married only rarely, Don't get me wrong I was tempted to stray but more importantly I didn't.

Those two years were the hardest time of my life.

Another thing about me is I have never come between married couples, yes I am very flirtatious and have a very naughty sense of humour, but that's where it stops.

One of my female friends has a loveless marriage, one more for convenience then anything else and that fact her husband is a complete arse and deserves everything he gets still hasn't changed the man I am.
I know that she really likes me and would like things to go further and has even been alone with me at my house on more then one occasion and if I pushed the point I could have ended up in bed with her, but still she left my house with her virtue still intact.

I'm just a simple open hearted man who would be there for anyone, no matter what the reason and how I feel about that person.
My colleague next door knows this and is probably the only person who truly does.
I wear my heart on my sleeve which leaves me vulnerable to a broken heart, and it has been broken to many times in the past.

Will I carry on being the man I am, to right I will.
Will I bounce from pillar to post, probably?
Will I get caught up in another relationship, of course.

But will I keep smiling?

Definitely

The Bad Night And The Bonus.

Tonights shift started off very slowly and I guess that should have been a huge clue as what was to follow.

Firstly I upset a DSM from another group, when he got of an eastbound train and told me that he had a spotted a beggar on the train and he wanted me to do something about it.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
He said "well let someone know".
I said "Why didn't you do anything about it?"
"I was at the wrong end of the carriage" he pipes up.
"Hang on you're in full uniform and you couldn't walk down the carriage and tell him to leave the train" says I.
"Yes" he replies
"So basically you were to f**King lazy to walk down the carriage do the job yourself".

I hate staff like this and especially when they are supposed to be management, they haven't got the balls to do the job properly so they pass the buck.

Later on as my late turn staff booked on the first interruption of service commenced, the District line had a minor hiccup at Upminster with a suspension of service.

Shortly after this the Met service started misbehaving with minor delays with a signal failure in the Lords/Finchley Road area.

Withing five minutes all hell had broken loose and all three services running through my station collapsed going through minor, sever and service supension in the space of 45 minutes, it didn't help that I had to tip out (detrain) a fully laden Met line train onto my already crowded platform and telling my CSA not to let any more customers down onto the platforms as we were starting to get overcrowded.

During the middle of this I had to deal with a customer who had her purse stolen and a member of staff booking off sick.

However the highlight of the night came half way through all this disruption. As I was in the process of recording a PA I noticed a young woman waving madly at me through the window of my office, it was a friend of mine who works locally and I have known for about 20 years, I popped out to have a chat on the platform and I found out she was single (I'm nosy you know) and in a moment of madness I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal with me.

All this disruption and mayhem and I spent a good five minutes chatting up an old friend (and giving out information to customers), the best bit is she said yes so hopefully I might be off out for a meal with a lovely young woman when I can arrange it.

How To Make A Grown Man Cry

I received a text from a lovely a friend of mine asking me to read a poem she had written, so when I woke up this morning I read this with tears in my eyes ...

If you Just Believe

He brings a smile even when you are feeling down
A wicked sense of humor no tear can fall
My confidant and my believer
He gave me support in hours of need
Listened to a heavy heart
Exhausted to the tiredness
When a confidence of one is shattered
He built it up, some how
Believe in yourself young lady
You are so much worthy then some
Your inner beauty shines so bright
Loving with a gentle open heart
He always manages to pick you up
Bring laughter to a room
Sees the best in everyone
But tells it as it is
So thank you my Gentle Giant
For you friendship
Treasured to the diamond jewel
One in a million a find
For now I do believe....

Ooh Bugger

I did something today that I have never done before whilst on a week of nights.

I have a certain routine that I stick to rigidly when I wake up.

18:30 Alarm goes off, get up and run bath and go back to bed for 15 minutes as my bath is so fecking slow (this only changes twice a week when I have a shave).
18:45 Into my bath and have a good clean up.
18:55 out of the bath to get dried and dressed.
19:00 Turn on Paramount 2 and watch reruns of M.A.S.H.
19:30 Cook dinner and iron a shirt ready for the night.
20:30 Wash up and get ready to leave for work.
20:55 Leave for work and arrive at the station ready to get the train to London.

This is my normal routine, a bit OCD you might think but when you live alone you have to do something.

However tonight I completely f**ked this plan up, why? because my alarm didn't go off and I overslept by 1 hour 15 mins, all because I forgot to set my alarm and didn't want to get up.

Have you ever laid in bed and found just the perfect sleeping spot, the perfect sleeping spot that feels more comfortable then any other ordinary sleeping spot, well I found it today and that's why I didn't look at the big red luminous clock when I woke earlier in the evening and went straight back to sleep.

Why is it you always find that perfect sleeping spot just when you wake up.

You Can't Beat Mums Cooking.

The one thing about staying at your mums house is the home cooking, no matter where a man or woman goes in life, mums cooking is always the best.

I went to my mothers this morning to help re-plumb in her wash as the pipes had started to leak after I sorted that first thing this morning, I went to bed around 12 and slept extremely well (what is it about staying at your mums) ok more comatose then sleep.

When I woke up I was treated to a nice dinner of roast lamb, sprouts (oh dear) and roast spuds.

Yes it was as tasty as it looks, actually it was better.

I think this is the one thing that I miss about my ex-wife, she was a good cook (after I taught her how to cook and thanks to my dad teaching me) it was lovely to wake up on a night shift to a cooked dinner.

Oh!!!

I have planned enginering works taking place on my line this weekend and I noticed a gentleman sitting on my eastbound platform just after a train terminating at Liverpool Street had departed.

Me "Where are you going to mate?" I asked across the divide of the tracks.
Him "Barking"
Me "I'm afraid there aren't any trains to Barking this weekend"

A non-plussd look

Him "When was the last one then?"
Me "Yesterday"
Him "Oh"

It's Not Just Passengers

Staff suffer too.

I've literally just got off the phone to my late turn colleague, he is stuck up at Wembley Park and trying to reach home,

His quandry is this, the last train to pull in was terminated at Wembley Park, so is the next train and could I find out using a system called trackernet where his next through train is.

I checked up using Trackernet, the train in Wembley Park platform terminated there, the next train between Neasden and Wembley Park termainated at Wembley Park, the train at Willesden Green terminated at Willesden Green, the next train was approaching Willesden Green, terminated at Wembley Park, however the train at Dollis Hill was running right the way through to Stanmore.

The reason for writing this blog item is just to prove that when we travel out and about to and from work, we suffer right along with you.

More fun is now taking place for my colleague as the Jubilee line is now suspended between Wembley Park and Stanmore, so my colleague has to find another way home, and being the sort of people we are, we all know diferent routes to get somewhere.

This leads me onto a pet hate of mine, passengers who have no idea of how to get to work or home if the service they are using collapses.

Why would a person only know one way home and no other, do people not make contengency plans and find out other routes around the problem, it's one of the most frequently asked questions of LUL staff when there is a problem with the service.

One thing passengers forget is this, if the service collapses we have to get to and from work to, so "how do you expect me to get to work?" is a question best not asked of me as you will generally get the reply "It's alright for you but I'm already here"

At Long Last.

I arrived back home feeling the worse for wear again and guess what, yes the double glazing fitters where back working on the house across the road.

So another day of crash, bang and whallop, shattering glass and all sorts of noise.

Today I was lucky as they finished up fairly sharpish and come 11am I was absolutely bolloxed, my eyes were fighting to stay open so I finaly went to bed.

My eyes popped open at 6:15 and I awoke feeling totally refreshed, it's amazing how well you feel after more sleep then usual.

Almost A Good Days Sleep

I arrived home this morning feeling like death warmed up, I was just looking forward to passing out and sleeping a long time, but as per usual things never work out like you want them too, so I got out of my car only to hear the sound of breaking glass (breaks into song).

My neighbours were having double glazing put in, so what with banging, wholloping and general noise I thought bloody typical, luckily I had to stay up and wait for my mobile to be returned to me which arrived nice and early for once.

After getting my phone delivered I drove to Kettering to collect something for my sister (a returned christmas present, ungrateful cow) and I finally hit the sack around 11:45, however because I'd slept only two hours yesterday, and had something on my mind I just couldn't drop off to sleep.

Finally I fell asleep and I was out cold, that was until some buggers car alarm woke me up.

Now for the fun, unfortunately I had fallen asleep on my front and with my arms underneath me and as I'm not exactly light I cut of the circulation to both my arms. Have you ever tried to move when both your arms are completely dead.

I ended up thrashing around in bed (yes I was alone) just trying to get the circulation back into my limbs and after a couple of minutes I had that wonderful feeling of the blood rushing back to my extremities, what with the pins and needles and everything else, could I get back to sleep.

Could I bugger.

Chatting With Barry

The one thing about chatting with Barry, is the random conversations that we have throughout the course of a night. The general shite that helps us get through the dark hours of night and all done in different accents with stutters and stammers, and basically any sort of stupidness to get us through a long week of seven nights.

For some reason we had a conversation about Ingrowing Dolphins, dating sites, facebook, myspace, the whore of babylon (no this is not a manager), hairy woman and the possibility that there is an affair taking place between an SS and a CSA on our group (now that will get the managers and a few of the staff who read this blog thinking).

Much merriment and general piss taking is done, abusing each other verbally and it helps to keep us sane.

We talked about this blog and about how random it is, going from one tangent to another.
I would like to say sorry if my writings are sometimes hard to keep up with but as you have probably gathered from my musings, I write about just about anything that is important and effecting my life at any one particular moment.

Be it work or family, life in general or management. If it's bothering me I write about it.

And A One, And A Two And A One, Two 3

Thanks to my mobile phone provider making a cock up I've had a sleepless day.
My N95 completely died on Sunday, no matter what I tried to do, I just couldn't switch it on.

I rang Three Mobile and they took all the details and told me someone would be there to collect my phone on Monday between 12 and 6pm and would deliver it back to me on Wednesday between 12 and 6pm.

True to Threes word along came the courier and collected the above phone and dashed it off to the repair shop.

Three sent me a text saying my phone had been recieved and was looked at on Tuesday ready to be sent back to me for Wednesday.

I monitored the outcome of my mobiles progess on the Three website and saw that my phone had been dispatched at 19:30 on the Tuesady evening and ready for delivery today.

I decided to sleep on the sofa until the phone arrived, but just couldn't get comfortable, I slept for just over 2 hour and was awake by 1:30 again, I waited for the door bell to chime but nothing. All day I lay awake and couldn't get back to sleep.

6pm came and went and still no mobile, I waited another 20 minutes and still nothing,

I rang Three who said it was down to the Royal Mail, so I rang the Royal Mail and guess what, because Three dispatched my phone after 4pm the delivery wouldn't take place until Thursday between 8 and 1pm, which means me putting off driving to Kettering to collect something for my sister until after the delivery has arrived.

So today I spent a wasted day waiting for a phone that wasn't going to arrive and I currently feel like someone has taken my eyeballs out and rubbed them down with course sandpaper, my head is starting to pound and after reading something in the Station Log Book it looks like I will have contractors drilling above my office all night.

Just Great...

So you can tell I'm in for a good night.

Now I'm Worried

I spoke to my ex wife today and something must be either wrong or she is planning something (I know it's not nice to not trust someone).

So once more into the lions den I went, the reason for the call was to ask my ex-wife if I can have my kids for three weeks over the summer holidays.

Now here is the worrying part, she agreed with no arguments and thinks it would be great for the kids, she is also considering next Christmas and whether or not it would be feasible for us to split the day between us with the kids, she will having them Christmas Eve (as I won't be finishing until 23:00 or possibly later if I lock up for the night turn Supervisor) until mid day Christmas Day and I'll be having them for the rest of the day and most of Boxing Day.

I know you are probably thinking why am I sorting out Christmas all ready, but it is important as this year the kids are supposed to be with me the whole time and as I am moving down to be nearer them this way we both get to share the day with them.

Hopefully the compromise works.

I'm also hoping to have my kids for half of the February half term as well, fingers crossed.

Something To Inspire And Make You Feel Good

One of my friends sent me this and when I watched it I just felt wow

What Is It About My Ex-Wife

As I don't see my kids as much as I want to (only one weekend in six), I'm moving down to Southend on Sea to be nearer to them.

However as I was very ill before and over the Christmas period I didn't see my kids in December at all. This is the first time I've let my kids down since I've split with there mum in 2004. This upset both myself and my kids as they were very worried about there old dad. I only saw my kids for 90 minutes on Christmas Day and we had a lovely time.

As I didn't get to do any proper Christmas shopping (about 30 minutes worth) I gave my girls some money to buy themselves stuff that they want, easy solution and much pleasure on my girls face, and before you think what about my son I bought him five games for his new PSP during my 30 minutes of shopping.

A couple of days ago I discovered that one of my daughters had been told by my ex to buy her own school trousers and shoes with the money that I had given her, so as you can imagine I wasn't to thrilled to find this out as I give her almost £400 every four weeks in CSA money.

I received a call today from my ex asking what was going on with the CSA as I have changed the payment schedule, so that instead of coming directly out of my wages 13 times a year and me getting charged an agreement fee by LUL pay department, I've set up a Direct Debit mandate for 12 payments.

Big deal I hear you think, however this means an increase per month in payments but I also get one month where I get all my wages instead of having the money deducted.

Today my ex called me and was her usual in her selfish bitch mode (I do pick them) and only thinking about herself and the money from the CSA, gone was the polite woman from just before Christmas who needed all the help with the family PC and back was the usual tight arsed bitch who has been the bane of my life since 2004.

During her lecture sorry the discussion, I brought up the fact that the money I gave to my girls, was for my girls only and not to buy there school clothes.
Around an hour ago I received a text from my youngest daughter saying thanks to me she can't use the computer, so being the dad I am I called her up to find out what she was on about.

My ex wife had taken £20 each off of my girls for downloading untold viruses and the PC needing to be reformatted in a computer shop, which I agreed with as they had put all the virus's on it, however today my ex wife has used that against me and given my 12 year old her money back and told her she can't use the PC as dad said the money was for them and no one else.

As you read above all I mentioned was school clothing, not once did I mention the PC to my ex.

It's great how my ex wife twists my words and tells the kids something completely different.

Oh and on another matter, on Christmas Day I was told by my daughter that mum said that if I want any more access to my kids I will have to take her to court to get more visitation rights, which I plan to do.

What is it about ex's.

I think I'll stay single for a while but only for two reasons, it's cheaper and a lot less hassle.

OUCH!!! That Fecking Hurt.

Well my first day back in almost five weeks and what do I do.

After being summons down to be interviewed about my sickness by the early turn DSM, we made our way to the training room, which is up a flight of stairs, at the bottom of the stairs is a low ceiling and unfortunately as I mounted the stairs "WHOLLOP!!!" my head crashes into the ceiling and causes a nice little abrasion to my scalp, but at least my DSM witnessed it.

That's the one thing about being 6`2" and having no hair. When you belt the top of you head off something solid it fecking hurts and you always lose some skin.

So my first day back went really well and one Incident Form was completed before 9am.

Bloody Manager (He Knows Who He Is)

Well so much for having a relaxing time off work being sick.

Work called me today and now I'm going back to work tomorrow morning at 7am, the best thing is it's only for one day and then I'm off for four days again.

Oh well I suppose fitting in one shift before heading back to nights is better then nothing.